Facebook: the matchmaking mother I never wanted... and wish would take up knitting

So, over the past few months I have noticed something. Facebook, it would appear, is desperately upset about the fact that I am single.

I'm referring to those little ads that appear down the right side of the screen. I'm guessing that it is my "single" status that has spurred Facebook to fling ads for singles sites at me willy-nilly (though they also sprinkle in a few for wedding planning-- perhaps in an attempt to make me feel jealous, bitter and lonely, and thus visit the multitude of singles sites?)

And no, Facebook is not content just to throw in a match.com ad, or something so generic. Instead, I am daily solicited to peruse interracial dating sites (though the question always arises: how do they make sure you are interracially dating on their site? Do you select which races you're seeking? Or do they just refuse to pair you with your own ethnic persuasion?), persue millionaire men (who are these "verified" millionaires who are cruising for ladies on facebook, anyway?), find a match made in heaven with Christian hunks, or-- this is a new one-- find myself a "big and beautiful single" near me.

For one, this brings up the question: since when did "single" become a noun? ...As it relates to humans, anyhow. A "single" is a perfectly acceptable noun when describing a monetary denomination. A hotel room may even be appropriately labelled a "single," if such is its designation as a unit. But "singles" out there looking for me? Meet other "singles" now? Single has become the new "old maid," or perhaps, "leper."

For another thing, why is it that Facebook is so concerned with my single-hood? I figured out that they now provide a "thumbs-up" or "thumbs-down" option below the ads, with the supposed purpose of tailoring the ads to your particular interests and tastes. While this may be the idea in practice, in reality, Facebook is not to be swayed by the "thumbs-down"... no matter which reason I provide when prompted: offensive, uninteresting, irrelevant... despite my reporting of these ads under all such categories, Facebook will not be convinced. Of course she needs a man, Facebook thinks (or perhaps discusses with its girl friends over bridge). How could she not?

So here is my message to Facebook:

Thank you for your concern. I appreciate the thought. Really. (Sort of.) But, really. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. And when I want or need your help finding big, interracial, Christian millionaires, I promise- promise- I will let you know first. In the meantime, feel free to stick up some ads for concerts, or random quirky apparel, or whatever else it is that you may like to post up there-- I'm not really sure what your usual fare for non-"singles" may be, since I so rarely see anything else. (That ad for the wildlife sanctuary? That one worked out all right. Though the "thumbs-up" did not mean I wanted you to continue showing it every day. I was just trying to encourage some options other than matchmaking ads.)

Yes, Facebook, I say this not to hurt you or appear ungrateful for all the overbearing, meddling love you have poured out on me over the past few months of frenzied matchmaking attempts, but... I have to say it. THUMBS DOWN, Facebook! THUMBS DOWN!