Why I'm probably voting for Boulder liberal Mark Udall

A couple of months ago I wrote a post about the rather humorous ridiculous attack ads that various campaigns were launching against their opposing candidates, but which in general just made me aware of things I actually like about the opponent. For a refresher, read here.

So anyway, one of these batches of ads is that attacking "Boulder liberal Mark Udall." Oh yes, it is apparently quite important that we understand not only that he is a "liberal" (gasp! does the FCC seriously allow such obscenities on TV??) but that he is from Boulder, which of course means that he is the worst variety of hippie/snow-bunny/trust-fund liberal. One of the ads literally shows a map behind the evil liberal's head, clearly demarcating the location of Boulder on a rectangle which is apparently intended to be Colorado. I'm not entirely sure though, as "Boulder" was the only thing the marketers chose to include on the map. They perhaps intended to mark its place amongst the circles of hell.

These ads, beyond the declaration of "Boulder liberal Mark Udall" (which is all the discreditation they really needed, you know... "what?? Mark Udall is a Boulder liberal??" I asked myself as the commercial began. "Well, Committee to Elect Bob Schaffer, enough said! How can I sign up for your campaign?") these oh-so-creative ads decided to take it one step farther, and point out some of the horrors which BLMU (as I shall hereafter abbreviate the monster) supports.

"BLMU is against massive new offshore oil drilling projects!!"
...egad! The horrors!!

"BLMU supports oversight of massive corporations and financial institutions!!"
...gasp! Why would he even think such a thing??

"BLMU opposed widespread slaughtering of cute baby puppies!!"
...he should not only not be elected, he should be indicted for such national treason!!

Ok, so maybe the last one was not a real ad. I think it may have been about kittens, or something else. But you get the general idea. Insert ominous music and depressingly dark hues, and you have a conservative scare campaign that raises the bar to a whole new level.

So, after all of these ads had pointed out the many horrible things which the evil Boulder liberal Mark Udall supports (and which, it turns out, so do I), I was already starting to think I'd probably be voting for him. I'll be looking into his positions and history further, of course, to make sure he stands for the things I'd want my senator standing for on my behalf, but it isn't likely that the attack ads got it wrong, seeing as they're actually supposed to be for the other side, and all. But nonetheless, I like to be as informed a voter as I have the means to be.

But then I was sitting in my living room one evening, checking my e-mail or cooing over new pictures of my fabulous nephew & niece, or something else half-distracting while the TV was on, when I hear none other than the Boulder liberal Mark Udall himself, his sinister liberal voice oozing from my TV... "lock your doors and hide! It's me, Mark Udall!.... just kidding!" and going on to remark that it's important to keep a sense of humor, and making some mildly cheesy but upbeat comments about bring Coloradan (or is it Coloradoan?) common sense to Washington. All while standing in a a very Colorad(o)an-looking dusty scene, leaning against an old wooden cow fence or something. Looking somewhat rugged and Colorad(o)an and blue-collar-y in a denim shirt (which of course, actually HAS a blue collar, as you might guess) and somewhat-too-tight jeans. All while wearing a big belt buckle with a cowboy scene or a buffalo on it. Ok, I made that part up. Just the belt buckle. The rest is accurate. But still beside the point.

So in addition to apparently agreeing with Boulder liberal Mark Udall's platforms, I also appreciate that he does have a sense of humor, as well. And in addition to laughing with him, I can also laugh at him in a good-natured sort of a way, since I find it entertaining that-- while I'm sure he meant "just kidding" about needing to lock the doors and hide, it actually comes out sounding like he's "just kidding" about being Mark Udall.

Which, maybe is what he meant, on second thought. I mean, who'd want to be identified as Boulder liberal Mark Udall? He sure sounds like one scary guy.


Boulder liberal Mark Udall: They'd accuse him of making obscene gestures at the French, but then they remembered that they hate the French.